The letter[]
zelda recieves this letter one day.
Deer Zelda,
I have kidnaped Link, your frend. I demand a bajillion ruppies or you'll never seee him again. Sory for the bad handriting and spelling, my brane's uffected by the triforse of power. as for the bad riting, U tri riteing with calws.
your archenemy, Ganon
Zelda gives this note to her father. He says they can't pay for that, they only have a kazillion rupees. She sets off to save link on her own, grabbing a bronze sword and a green shield she has in her toybox. She brings the royal guards with her. Once the group sees the first stalchild the guards run away, screaming like 3 year olds.
First temple[]
Zelda first visits kakariko village. She decides to go to the skulltula house. After gaining multiple orange rupees the guy gets ticked off and drop kicks her to the first temple.
- The temple, lazily called first temple, is just like any other temple. After some exploring she comes to a room with 30 woman holding briefcases. She picks 12. It contains a bow.she shoots another person (23) with this and gains a brown rupee (1 cent). The other women run away.
- At the boss room is a lone stalfos. She hits it with with a sword. The stalfos falls in a vat of toxic waste that's in The Fist Temple for some reason. The stalfos flies out with an S on its chest and a Red cape. At this point a subtitle appears saying "Geneticly altered Skeleton, Captain Stalfos". Zelda finds a green crystal, attaches it to the bow, and shoots Captain Stalfos, Immediately killing it. Its skull falls on the ground and breaks open, leaving a Target Giftcard. She takes it and leaveas the temple through a blue light that somehow appeared.
Lost woods[]
Zelda goes to kokiri forest, right next to the next dungeon (women's intuition). The kokiri point her to the next dungeon. which is lost woods. she enters. Do to the portals in lost woods there are goomba, egg pawns, and elites in the lost woods.
She falls into a hole and lands in the forest stage. They give her a mask they've been trying to get rid of, the keaton mask, 
along with a mirror shield. At the deepest part the mask comes off of Zelda's Face. It turns into a yellow mouse with red cheeks and a lighning bolt for a tale. It is Obvious pokemon rip-off, electrokeaton. It attacks with thunderbolts that she easily reflects back. after beating electrokeaton she gains the Walmart giftcard.
Shadow abyss[]
zelda's next visit is to the shadow abyss, a small building that's really dark. Zelda opens the door and heads on in. After a bit of running into walls, zelda finds a flashlight. She tests it by pointing it at her face and turning it on. She finds out that it's actually the fire rod after the test. She proceeds on. At the end she encounters dark link. However, since dark link is supposed to copy all of links actions, and link is patiently waiting for help, Dark Link is easily torched. After dark link's quick defeat zelda gets the sears giftcard.
hyrule mall[]
After having her rod burns healed and having surgery to repair the facial deformation zelda takes her three giftcards to the hyrule mall. Wizzrobes are in the bookstore, moblins are in the food court, armos are in the landscaping store and tingle's in the toy store. zelda slays all of the wizzrobe, moblins and tingle (the armos were spared.) At the toy store she plays a song on the walk-on keyboard with Saria, who's visiting it too, and mayn hylians gather around it. Once she reaches Target she buys the Ocarina of Lime (a counterfiet ocarina of time). At walmart she buys the clothing she needs to be shiek, compelte with inflatable muscles, hair dye, and contact lens with fake pupils. at sears she rides the escalator repeatedly. after 36 times on the escalator she buys a silver sword. she leaves and switches really fast to shiek.
the second half of the game[]
shiek tosses a deku nut and warps to a blue cloaked swordsman. The swordsman says "Link is kidnapped, well let him die. Did he give me, my red friend, or my purple friend any credit for slaying vaati, or Ganon? No. he's still mr. Hero, and all of the times we save hyrule is rarely even mentioned in the Hyrule enquirer. Let him die. Let your battle fail because you need the golden blade to beat ganon and you only have the silver. Let him die because you didn't power up your sword with the three essences. Let him die because you didn't get the essences from the darknut training ground, Nightfall temple, and Sandstorm valley. Let him die." at this point shiek has all the info she needs and tosses a deku nut.
Darknut training ground[]
the deku nut takes sheik outside of the darknut training ground, formerly miniblin home run contest arena. as soon as she enters she gets attacked by miniblins who emit the most horrifying noise ever. The noise that can turn anyone mad in matter of minutes. That's right, their battle cry is the jingle for meow mix. It drives shiek mad. She kills moblins in such gruesome ways that a Miniblin rights group was formed. After slaying moblins and recommending the surviving miniblin a good psychiatrist, she meets the boss, a darknut (who would of expected that?) sheik gets hit by darknut's sword. After being almost killed she uses her triforce of wisdom. An Illusion of a rabbit and a coyotte appear and dissapear. Her legs are instently put in a cast. Shiek rips the cast off and is perfectly healed. Now the battle begins again.
- Shiek throws a bomb and Darknut for some reason catches it. It explodes in his face, darkening it and turning his helmet backwards. Darknut turns his helmet forwards. She throws another bomb and he dodges. The bomb creates a hole in the floor. She brings a giant hammer out of nowhere and smashes him with it, flattening him. he pops back to normal. She throwns a bomb at him, overhand. Its right above him but he steps to the side. However the bomb also moves to the left. while He is getting up zelda moves the hole in front of her. He charges fowards but falls down the hole. The hole ends up in America, where darknut eats too much fast food and dies of health problems. Meanwhile a glowing green orb spins around shiek. sheik raises her sword and the energy of the orb enfuses with her blade. her blade is now powered with the power of courage. She paints a tunnel to the exit and goes throw it, but not before saying two words...,"Meep Meep."
Nightfall temple[]
Shiek goes to nightfall temple. She enters the familiar temple. when she enters she finds out the shocking truth about about nightfall temple... It's shadow abyss with an "under new management" banner hanged up. By doing the exact same thing same thing before she gains the hookshot. She then does some new stuff and goes to boss room. There is no boss. she gains the essence of wisdom. She leaves the temple. After leaving a giant spiked lizard with darkfire breath enters the boss room. The llizard says "Nobody came here for 5 hours, 5 hours! I took a break for 3 MINUTES and someone comes in and takes the essence!"
sandstorm desert[]
shiek goes to sandstorm desert. it is gerudo valley, gerudo forretres, haunted wasteland, and desert collosus all in one dungeon. Shiek plays requiem of spirit to bypass all of this. As soon as she gets to the stairway to spirit temple stallord appears. She moves around stallord and enters the spirit temple. She gains the essence of power and plays the prelude of light. she warps away and leaves stallord completely untouched.
ganondorfs temple[]
Shiek changes her clothes, deflates her fake muscles, removes her contacts, and dyes her hair very quickly, becoming zelda again. she goes to anywhere ganoon's tower usually is. after long searches and no luck she has an idea. She looks at the back of the letter. There it is, the return adrress. 1123 moblin drive. She runs to kakariko village.
- zelda comes in just in time to stop ganon from hitting link with a crouquet mallet. Ganon says ,"zelda, the bearer of the triforce of wisdom. The princess of hyrule. Link always saves you but can you save hi...aaahhhh (while ganon was talking zelda got out her sword and stabs ganon in the heart.) link then walks out of his prison. Zelda says",now lets get rid of this body." She cuts out the triforce of power and throws ganon into the lava. Link hugs zelda. Zelda then burns link with the fire rod and says "what was that for?"
epilouge[]
- Stallord is now the star of the Hyrule Soda commercials
- the miniblin rights group is scheduled to appear on Oprah.
- The boss of nightfall temple has installed security cameras to the boss room.
- Ganon kidnaps link again, unforunately, this is the goron named link. ganon is quickly beaten to a pulp by Goron Power.